Slacker

Sorry for the absence. I haven't felt much like writing. There isn't a whole lot to say anyhow.

I'm leaving next week to go to DisneyWhirled (hee!) with Sunny's sister and her family. It is going to be so awesome!!! I'm not even dreading being stuck in a mini-van with a 3 and 5 year old for 2 days. Who cares? I'm on vacay for the first time since 2000!!! Woo hoo!!! Sunny must be feeling extra guilty because he had me cash the flex spending check and told me to take $2000 with me. Whee!

I had to buy a bunch of summer clothes so I would have something to wear. 18 officially, but 16's and 16w's depending on the cut and style. And my new swimsuit - an XL. Go me! I'm one pound away from losing 50 pounds. Go me again! I have also started working out a little and walking with the neighbor again. We're easing our way back into it.

I started working on the bathroom again this weekend. I started sanding the vanity doors Saturday and moved on to the vanity Sunday. On Monday I stained the vanity and one of the doors. Good thing I only did the back of one of the doors. I discovered that if the old finish isn't gone entirely, the stain doesn't penetrate and it looks blotchy. So yesterday I moved the sanding operation for the doors outside since the mess was incredible and staining inside - more on that later. I got the doors and drawer fronts in pristine wood condition and cleaned them up with mineral spirits. Today I have to spot sand the cabinet and get that stained. I also have to test the poly I bought on the back of the one completed door. Then I have trim to rejuvenate and I have to get the walls prepped for painting. I want to get the bulk of this done before I leave for DW next Wed so I only have 7 days. I work better under deadline anyhow.

Counseling is going forward. I have had some individual sessions with the counselor. I took this test and it turns out I'm very angry. Go figure. I'm also a walking wounded and have a lot of anxiety. Imagine that! We were supposed to have a session on Monday and I thought it was at 6. I'm at the grocery store when my cellphone rings and Sunny wants to know where I am. Oops! I felt horrible because it was our last session before I go away for 2 weeks. I suggested he take it by himself which he didn't want to do, but they must have talked him into it. I went home and it turns out I was high as a kite from stain fumes. Seriously buzzed. Good thing I wasn't stopped for DUI. I wore a respirator whilst applying the stain, but not while cleaning up the area and then I showered and did my hair and makeup in that bathroom and an hour later I was buzzing. When he got home I apologized profusely, and his response - Shit happens. Whatever, you dickhead.

Well, I have tons of shit to do. And I forgot I signed up for a roofing seminar on Saturday, so I have that to do as well. Busy is good.

Snow Business

I don't know what's worse, piles of snow or the melting of the piles of snow. At least with the melting, the driveway is almost free of the dreaded ice ruts. I moved most of the wood pile down to the boiler with only a couple of mishaps. Two times the trailer slid off the hard packed snow and into the soft melty stuff and tipped over. I had to unload and stack the wood where it fell. I was extra careful the next time and it fucking did it again. The third time I managed to make it through and thank God I was done at that point. Now there's just a small stack of wood that needs to be split and the two loads that are close to the boiler, but not quite there. I wanted to get all the wood moved before melting turned everything into a quagmire.

I finally got most of the Xmas decorations put away. I just have the nativity set and a garland and some lights on the high ledge over the tv which requires dragging the ladder up from the basement and maybe talking my neighbor into helping me a bit. And I have the garlands and lights outside that will have to wait for more melting so I don't have to wade through two feet of snow to get to them. I packed everything up into his, hers and ours again and it wasn't bad at all this time. Two months ago I was a mess dividing up the ornaments. Not so much this time. My SIL called as I was in the process and said maybe it means I've taken just about all I can.

Sunny just called and his day is going to shit. He may not be able to make counseling tonite and will probably have to go back to work if he does make it. He's been working alot lately. At least I hope that's what he's doing. I just will never know. Speaking of counseling, our session last week was weird. I think the guy was stoned. All that was missing was the bloodshot eyes and the giggling and he had the stoned on pot thing down. He could have been on some serious pain killers though too. We are giving him 2 more sessions and if things aren't meshing with him, I guess we'll move on. Hope we don't have to do that because I don't want to wade through all that crap again. I think I'd rather just leave. Fake wave and a buh-bye!

I accomplished a lot off my list from last week:

Check- call Red Cross re: volunteering
Check- move wood
Check- get fitted for orthotic (Appt. Wed.)
Check- pay bills
Almost - put away Xmas decorations
Nope - continue working on the bathroom. (Ack, it's been weeks since I did anything in there.)
Check- change and wash the pee blanket on the couch
Nope - (Gross, I know) wash the spaghetti pot
Nope - do the medical acct forms - get that moolah back!
Nope - wash makeup brushes
Check- clean the puke spots on the carpet
Nope - change the rug in the laundry room and wash the floor - then take the rug to the laundromat and wash it in the big commerical washer
Check- get a new taillight for the truck and replace it

Just so I don't look like a total slacker, I also did a bunch of stuff that isn't on this list. Kapish?

New goals for this week:
- put away final Xmas decorations
- continue working on the bathroom
- wash the spaghetti pot
- do the medical acct forms
- wash makeup brushes
- change the rug in the laundry room and wash the floor - then take the rug to the laundromat and wash it in the big commerical washer
- call Red Cross again
- order rust remover
- change water filter on fridge
- call town prez re: dirt bike track
- make appt at vet for Bizzy
- GET SOME EXERCISE!!!

I watched the I Can Make You Thin thing on TLC last night. Interesting that I bought a book in high school (when I was horribly fat at 145 for chrissakes!) that is pretty much the same thing. If only I can follow it. I am going to give this method a shot since it meshes nicely with the upcoming vacation. I need to change the way I think about food. It's interesting that last Oct-Nov I was sort of doing this exact same thing. I would get an Egg Mc Muffin and eat most of it and COULD NOT make myself eat the last few bites. I was full. I was really listening to my stomach. I still mostly do this, but I can't have trigger foods like GS cookies, chocolate and other sweet things in the house. Those foods call to me and I MUST eat them, even if I am full. I want to get to the point where chocolate goes bad and cookies get stale and ice cream gets freezer burned before it gets consumed. I don't want those foods to have that kind of power over me.

Better get on with the day. Bye!

My Brain Weighs More

So, as promised I weighed and measured on Friday. I lost a measly 2.8 lbs in February (and the first week of March.) Sucks, but it is a loss. No real movement in the measurement area, but since it was after TOM, my boob and chest region measurements were down by 1/2 to 1 inch. Go figure. On to a new month.

I think I need to make some goals here. It helps to have something to shoot for. I'm going to Disneyworld with Sunny's sister and husband and the kids at the end of April. I'd like to lose at least 15 more pounds by then. Totally doable, especially if I get cracking on the exercise portion of the equation. I'd love to take some walks outside, but just walking down the driveway is hazardous to one's health. I hope we get a lot of melting this week to get rid of the ice. It's 4 inches thick in spots. And rutted enough to break ankles.

What else? In no particular order:
- call Red Cross re: volunteering
- move wood
- get fitted for orthotic (Appt. Wed.)
- pay bills
- put away Xmas decorations
- continue working on the bathroom. (Ack, it's been weeks since I did anything in there.)
- change and wash the pee blanket on the couch
- wash the spaghetti pot
- do the medical acct forms - get that moolah back!
- wash makeup brushes
- clean the puke spots on the carpet
- change the rug in the laundry room and wash the floor - then take the rug to the laundromat and wash it in the big commerical washer
- get a new taillight for the truck and replace it

That's ambitious enough for this week.

Tonite is our fourth counseling session. I'm not terribly hopeful anymore. He made spaghetti yesterday and I came up behind him to give him a hug and thank him for making dinner and the fucker stiffened up like I was a serial killer about to plunge a knife through his back. So unfair. What did I do? Absolutely nothing.

February Recap - Postponed

I got on the scale yesterday and had a nice gain. Not surprising since I ate anything and everything while I was away. I've decided to weigh and measure on Friday to give the sugar bloat time to go away. It's working since I'm down over two pounds today. February is not going to be a stellar month for me, but March and April are. I'm going to Disneyworld and hope to lose 20-25 lbs before I do. Aiming for Onederland.

I thought about working out, but I went into the basement and something fucking DIED down there. Gag. I checked the freezer to make sure it was still running, and then got the hell out of there. I'll have to return later to see if I can locate the corpse and dispose of it. Unfortunately, there is so much shit down there it could be just about anywhere. Sigh. Always something.

Nothing New

Sunny came home from work sick yesterday, so I called and cancelled counseling. Our next session isn't until the 10th. He's been working alot so we haven't had time to really connect or anything. Not sure he really cares. For the third time in a row, the pizza wasn't done when he got there to pick it up, despite my calling it in as soon as he left instead of waiting 10 minutes like he directed. Interesting no?

Another interesting thing, I think he found this blog. He went through my history and I hadn't cleared it since my last posting so the links to it were clearly visible. So now I'm not sure if I should leave it public or make it private. I don't really want to give him a view into what goes on inside my head. But on the other hand, I'm not really sure I care if he does read it. I'm all over the place!!!! What do you guys think? Public or private? Leave a comment.

Going down to Chicago Thursday. Yay! Can't wait to see my little munchkins. Hope they stay healthy!

Toodles.

A Milestone of Sorts

I know, don't fall out of your chair, two posts in a row! A miracle!

I stepped on the scale this morning and despite several days of sucky, stress/comfort eating, I lost another pound. And because I programmed a goal weight into my Jenny Cr@ig digital scale, I hit some special weight today and it started flashing "GOAL" at me. I did a happy dance right there on the scale. I think I'm 25 percent of the way to goal since I programmed the scale. Which wasn't at my highest weight by any means. I'm 9 pounds away from being halfway to goal from my highest weight. Sweet.

And I'm an inspiration!to others! My beloved SIL was so inspired by how I looked when we were down for MIL's b-day that she and BIL are doing Nutr!system together. She's down 5 pounds already. GO SIL! You can totally do this!

I think I'll finish up working in the workout area today. After the guy comes to pick up the ATV for repair, I have to go get Bizzy at the kennel because Sunny worked too late to get him from Fun Camp. He loves Fun Camp. He has special girlfriends there and is known as the Ambassador because he's submissive enough to suck up to new Campers so they don't feel threatened, but not so submissive that he won't stand up for himself. (Doggie pecking order. Gotta love it.) There's at least one dog who will only play with Bizzy. Plus he gets to hobnob with dogs who are rich and famous. One of them even ran the Iditarod a couple of times. It's expensive, but worth it so he doesn't overwhelm Booboo and Bonbon with his energy.

Well, thanks for reading and have a great day!

The Post That Ate My Brain

Wow! I am buzzing! I just finished off an XXL Lo-carb Monster and whoo-E I am juiced. I'm going to be all over the place folks, so bear with me.

Our third session with the counselor was sucky. (The second one was not so bad, go figure.) Lots of anger and bitching. And according to Sunny, our marriage is dead. Not circling the drain or on life support, but dead. As in doornail. And we all know what happens when you try to revive something that's been dead. Think Pet Sem@tary or Evil De@d or any other zombie flick. I think he's just going through the motions. Look what a good husband I am. We tried. Whatever. I should probably get out now before something tries to eat my brain.

I used to have a phenomenal memory. Seriously. My teacher even gave me a special prize in second grade for memorizing and reciting in front of the class all the poems out of the reading text and some of those fuckers were 5 and 6 pages long. I guess when you're young you have brain cells to devote to shit like that but as you get older you have to remember phone numbers and pin numbers and passwords and all the other assorted crap life throws at you. And let's not forget about all the brain cells killed off in college drinkfests. Although my short term memory is still pretty good. I can ace a multiple guess test like no ones business. My college econ professor thought I was some sort of macro- and micro-econ wiz because I got amazing grades on all his tests but it was only because I read the text the night before and could remember the answers once I saw them. I know squat about economics now because it didn't make it into long term memory. Anyhoo, there is a point to all this. I still remember a poem I memorized when I was in grade school and it applies:

As a rule, man's a fool.
When it's hot, he wants it cool.
When it's cool, he wants it hot.
Always wanting what is not.
As a rule, man's a fool.

So there, that's what I feel about men right now, the one I'm married to in particular. Bite me, asshat.

Valentine's Day is bad enough when you are single and alone. Sheer torture when you are in a shitty marriage. Last year I got flowers for Valentine's Day, this year I greeted him with a kiss and the words dead fish come to mind. Didn't even acknowledge the day, which I suppose would be hypocritical since our marriage is dead. Still, suck it, A-hole.

I could do without any more snow. If this keeps up there won't be anywhere to put it. Our driveway is barely wide enough for a vehicle. And the banks are higher than our snowplow blade so it really sucks to try to plow. And we have to get our plow in for service because the bracket is bent all to hell and Sunny wedged a pin in there, but didn't go through all the holes and it is now bent inside the bracket and will never come out. Not without a cutting torch. So I arranged to have it picked up tomorrow and hopefully it will be back before the next snow. A little maintenance on shit would go a long way. But apparently he wants to live a maintenance-free life. I wish him luck with that.

I had to laugh listening to the Jerry B@der show on WT@Q this morning. He was reading from his blog an essay on who he was going to vote for in the primary today and it reminded me for all the world of the logic employed by the Sicilian in The Pr!ncess Br!de during the battle of wits with the Man in Black. I called in and told the screener my thoughts and we shared a good laugh.

I almost got the workout area up and running. It has been cleaned up and arranged and is just waiting for Sunny to hook up the tv and components. And I have to do some maintenance on the Nordictrak that my neighbor gave me and put together the stand for the adjustable weights. Then I have to watch the DVD to figure out how to use the new Bowflex that Sunny gave me one Christmas, back when he still "loved" me, I guess. Probably a guilt gift like the watch he bought me while he was in NYC with his boss doing God knows what. FUCKER!

Ok, this entry is just getting weird and bitter. but that's kind of how I feel just now. Maybe next time I'll be in a better frame of mind.