Lame Title Goes Here

Not feeling very creative today, so that title will have to do. On the good news front, I have now lost 31.2 pounds. I bought a new pair of jeans yesterday and they were an 18, which I know doesn't mean much because of the generous cuts some manufacturers use, but it's a small non scale victory (NSV) to me. They have a panel in the front which flattens your tummy. That's cool because my lower abdomen is a bit enlarged because of the size of my uterus. I go back for a follow-up ultrasound on the 17th to gauge the growth of the 5 fibroids and the one ovarian cyst. Hopefully they can find the left ovary this time because I think there is a wicked cyst on that one too. It's been aching for two days. Joy of joys, TOM is just around the corner. Yay!

Sunny and I had another "discussion" last night. I didn't sleep very well so I'm dragging now. He finally got me the number of the EAP so I can call and find a marriage counselor. I need to go now and when he get through the holidays at work he said he'd join me. So there is some hope there. A few things he said last night made it seem like he's not holding out too much hope for us though. I'm trying to be optimistic, but it's so hard. I have so much time by myself to dwell on shit while he's immersed in work that I probably overthink stuff and make mountains out of molehills. Bleh.

All I know is that it's really hard to get into the Christmas spirit and do what needs to get done. I have purchased some gifts, but nothing is wrapped. I don't have any decorations up. I bought some holiday stamps for the cards, but I haven't bought the cards yet. And what do I write in them? "Merry Christmas. Hope you have a great holiday. Mine sucks the big one!" This could be our last Christmas together. God that just kills me. Not that we are going to spend it together because he has to work til at least 1pm Christmas Eve (assuming there are no problems) and then be at work at 3am the day after Christmas. He didn't sound so keen on driving down to spend Christmas Eve at my folks and Christmas Day at his. He'd did it 2 years ago, but it is really hard on him. So I get to represent. I have no idea how I'm going to handle being at his folks. At least his sister knows and I can talk with her if need be. I heard from her that my MIL was pissed at me for not calling while I was home for Thanksgiving, so I had to suck it up and call her last week. Fortunately, she was going to a party, so our conversation was brief.

Well, time to go eat, my stomach is growling. Down boy!